Vivienne is elated to receive her first Legendary Legend star. This leaves Raja and Yvie Oddly as the only queens with no stars. And Monét X Change is mad that “that trifling little hooka [Shea Couleé] blocked me!” Not quite a Platinum Plunger Jubilee for Monét!
Viv admits that she wanted to block Jinkx Monsoon, who couldn’t be blocked. She observes that Jinkx is major competition and will be blocked as much as possible. Jinkx takes note: “I don’t drink anymore so I remember everything!” The segment ends with Viv telling the undressed Yvie to put her penis away. Cock block?
In the werkroom, Ru enters in gold MC Hammer pants and declares that children are our future. The drag legends must inspire them! For the maxi challenge, the queens will deliver an uplifting commencement speech to draguates. I guess this makes them all vale-dick-torians! I also expect to hear “Pumps and Circumstance.” As a consolation prize for being blocked, Monét gets to choose the speaking order.
And then we get the first twist: the top two queens will receive TWO stars this week. On top of that, those two queens get to keep one star and must give the other star to a fellow queen! Everyone is gagged. Strategy really will be the name of the game!
The queens start chatting about their ideas. Jinkx wonders if Raja “has the skills to pay the bills.” I know I have a shortage to pay the mortgage! The queens are making a lot of noise, with Jinkx on uke and Jaida on xylophone, and poor Shea can’t hear herself think. Jinkx has a little shade to throw on Monét: “What’s another word for inhibited? Blocked!”
Monét has decided that she will give the first speech and leave the difficult last speech to her blocker Viv. The queens workshop their speeches in front of Carson Kressley and guest judge Nikki Glaser. We get themes of blowing the faculty, addiction, whiskey dick and other traditional commencement topics. To Yvie, who says that success requires failure, Carson implores her to “go out and f*ck it up.” Nikki concurs: “Eat sh*t!” I am so inspired.
On Draguation Day, Jinkx confirms that she and Viv are frenemies and Monét reminds us that “blocked girls matter.” The speeches begin. Monét, standing at 5’12”, honors the “fist, I mean first, steps” the draguates will take out into the world. Shea notes that her speech may sound like a “cliché plot from a John Hughes film, but it’s not because I’m black.” Trinity puts the ass in tassels and notes that “some of you will go out and do amazing things. Most won’t.”
Sorceress Raja kindly reminds the draguates that we’re all going to die. They should be kind to those with money and also to the poor as long as there’s a camera around to capture their goodness. Jaida tells the draguates that she has put her degrees from Drag U and Trump U to good use. Yvie observes that failure is a gift and success is the fruit of failure, so go f*ck it up! Jinkx, prepared to deliver a speech at Hogwarts, recounts the trauma of being hit by a car in Amsterdam (possibly by Ru). Viv slurs her way through the story of her “sobriety journey.” She calls out Jinkx for finishing top of her class and Trinity for finishing top of her professor!
On the runway, the category is “Veiled It.” Monét dons a bird cage; Shea is serving accordion realness in a pleated homage to her grandma; Trinity is engineer of a train of roses; Raja appears on the cover of French Vogue; Jaida is “Spanish and fly” in her black lace mantilla; Yvie reminds us that beading is fundamental; Jinkx is a spring garden of flowers and butterflies; and Viv is wearing Dolce & Gabbondage and is the “belle of the ball…gag.”
Next we have a very special guest: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. Bedecked in a canary yellow pantsuit and five inch stilettos, she extols the queens’ joy, beauty and freedom of expression. She has one important piece of advice: VOTE! Raja gives her props for her iconic hand clap, which was, according to the Speaker, ahem, “unintentional.”
This week’s top two finishers are Jinkx and Raja. This is Raja’s first Legendary Legend star; Jinkx now leads with two stars. They lip sync to “Better in Color” by Lizzo. Jinkx is again in top form and wins. As expected, she gifts Viv with the Platinum Plunger, blocking her from getting a star next week.
So according to my abacus, Jinkx has two stars and everyone else has one except Yvie Oddly. We won’t know until next week to whom Jinkx and Raja gift their second star. I hope Yvie is the recipient of their kindness next week! I know the cameras will be there to capture it, as will I. And remember, if you stay cool, you ain’t gotta get cool!
Photo credits: Paramount+