All hail Jaida! Jaida Essence Hall won last week’s ball challenge and she’s happy to get that… vindication? Valedictorian? She settles on validation! Or maybe she meant vaccination? Brought to you by today’s letter, V.
Speaking of V, Vivienne is feeling very un-vivacious about not having a Legendary Legend Star. Will this be the day? Jinkx Monsoon, currently in possession of the Platinum Plunger, comes strolling in. “Wellity, wellity, wellity,” she says, channeling Homer Simpson. She now knows the mysterious secrets of the plunger! I need a way more interesting plunger! I’m off to Palm Springs Hardware!
Awaiting Ru’s entrance, Jinkx serenades the queens with “Bing Bang Bong (UK Hon)” on ukulele (Uke K Hon?). After last week’s Judy Garland song fest, Jinkx should be releasing an album! For this week’s maxi challenge, the queens will improv in a television court show, “Fairytale Justice.” With the (Dishonorable) Judge Michelle Visage presiding, two teams will re-litigate classic fairytale miscarriages of justice.
Team Jaida, which includes Jinkx, Monét X Change and Yvie Oddly, will argue the case “Blow the House Down Boots,” featuring three little pig sisters and the Big Bad Wolf. Team Trinity, with Shea Couleé, Viv and Raja, will argue “She Done Already Done Had Herses,” featuring Goldilocks and some aggrieved bears. For the first time ever, no one argues about who will take which role. We have finally reached the point where this really is RuPaul’s Best Friend Race!
The piglet Spare Rib (Jinkx) enters the courtroom (after three tries at the door). Her sustainable straw house has been blown down by the Big Bad Wolf (Yvie). Her sister Twiggly (Jaida) joins her, but the third pig sister, Hamela Anderson (Monét), is a witness for the wolf (whose name is Wilfredo). A verdict is reached, these little piggies are sent to market and beyond, and the judge will meet Wilfredo “in chambers.” Afterwards, meeting with Ru outside the courtroom, Jinkx’s pig ear accidentally falls off. When Ru asks her a question, she improvs, “You’ll have to speak up.” I loves me some Jinkx!!
In the next case, Viv is Goldilocks. Or is she Little Red, or Helga, or Hansel and Gretel? She’s been accused of porridge theft by Mama Bear Halle Beary (Shea). Grandma Hood (Raja) supports Mama and is followed by a surprise witness, Witch Theresa. Our Viv is quite the cunning linguist, shifting between Scottish, German and Glendale accents. As she noted earlier, she has “many identities within her,” and of course she “loves a large part.”
On the main stage, the category is “Spikes on the Runway.” Jaida serves Grace Jones/Spikes on Bikes realness; Jinkx “quills it” as Norma Desmond meets Cruella; Monét serves Westwood meets the hood; Yvie is “off to see the lizard” in her elongated reptilian look; Trinity is a vampire who wants to suck something (not blood!); Viv is dressed to “whip sync for her life” in a very spiky Westwood meets Catwoman number; Raja manages to be both medieval and sci-fi; and Shea is squeezed into a tight super-galactic gown that allows her “only one small step for drag-kind.”
The judges are loving Jinkx, Viv and Yvie. Ru praises Jinkx for her “perfect improv.” Ru also gushes over Raja’s “rebirth” because “all the people who knew her back then are all dead, so it’s like a brand new Raja!” Now there’s a read!
The top two this week are Jinkx and Viv. Viv will receive a star but Jinkx can’t because she’s blocked. They lip sync to “Love Will Save the Day” by Whitney Houston. Viv kills it and wins, giving her the right to bestow the star-blocking plunger. She wisely chooses Monét, who’s been quietly coasting with no blocks. She is so not amused! Her low-key strategy has been upended.
My overall observation is that the queens are being incredibly friendly and supportive of each other. The judges are also uniformly positive. Seldom is heard a discouraging word! There will be no “losing” on a winner’s season! These really are exceptional queens and it’s a fantastic season. I can do without the cutthroat bitchy competitiveness. I can get that at Drag Bingo! Did someone call O69?
Photo credits: Paramount+