Alexis Michelle is feeling “100% like a winner, baby!” Can she be more irritating? 100%, baby! To LaLa’s parting lipstick message, she solemnly intones, “You will be sorely missed.” And ever gracious in victory, she declares, in the words of Lizzo, “It’s about damn time.” Fun fact: I cannot say Alexis’ name in my house because my Echo Dot asks me what I want!
The queens’ vote to eliminate LaLa last week was 3-1, so her departure was inevitable. Jimbo, with her pearled eyes, says she couldn’t see the lipsticks and thought she chose Kandy Muse. Jimbo confronts Alexis on her betrayal of LaLa, reminding Alexis that she told her she wouldn’t send her home. In full derangement, Alexis says that she thinks LaLa will be a sister, if not something more. Girl, bye!!
Ru enters the werkroom and announces this week’s maxi challenge: to roast a true pioneer, one who busted down the doors for LGBTQ folks everywhere. Why, it’s Carson Kressley, who coined the word “zhuzh!” Eat that, Harvey Milk! The queens are instructed to read him for mother-tucking filth, along with the judges and the other queens.
Jessica Wild is afraid of being mean. It’s off-brand for her. Jimbo decides to go into character and have Joan Rivers deliver the roast. We are assured that this is a risky gambit. Alexis assigns the roast order, choosing herself to go first, followed by Jessica, Kandy and Jimbo. Considering that no one ever wants to go first, it’s an odd strategic choice, except that no one will have to follow Jimbo. Alexis says her only strategy is to get the slot she wanted.
The queens workshop their jokes with Michelle Visage and Alec Mapa. Alec reminds Jessica that “too nice = death” in a roast. I see that on a bumper sticker. Kandy needs to annunciate, focusing on clarity and pacing. Alexis’ jokes play more as a wedding toast. Toast ≠ roast! And Jimbo channels Joan Rivers, and we’re reminded again she’s taking a big risk. (Spoiler alert: no she’s not.) The queens are reminded that this is a roast, not a sauté, so hit hard! Roast ≠ sauté!
Katya from Drag Race season 7 stops by for a visit. Rather than offer advice, she asks such probing questions as, “Who has the biggest dick?” (We don’t find out.) She also asks if anyone would boink another of the queens. Alexis, aka Miss Manpig, has taken a shine to Kandy, perhaps feeling that her future nuptials with LaLa could be on shaky ground. Having completed her shady mission, Katya slithers out of the werkroom as the snake that she is!
It’s on to the main stage for the roast. Alexis focuses on Carson’s dubious career choices (“He hosted “How to Look Good Naked” when he doesn’t”). Jessica suggests that Carson should be a contestant, not a judge. “He has the talent to make us believe he had talent,” she purrs. Kandy notes that she and Carson have something in common: “I love ketamine and you’re an equestrian.”
Jimbo’s up last to lay waste to the previous queens. She tells us that Kandy is proof that Hooked on Phonics doesn’t work for everyone. Every time hairy Jessica shaves her puss, she gets a PETA complaint. And she calls out the honoree of the roast: Ellen DeGeneres. Just kidding! “We’re here to honor Tilda Swinton,” she says. Carson’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy colleague Thom Felicia also delivers a few words in character as drag queen Jackie Would from Celebrity Drag Race. Hard to believe it’s been 20 years since the premiere of QESG.
On the runway, the category is Snow Bunny. Ru calls Alexis “Auntie Freeze” and asks, “Cindy-Lou Who is She?” “Snow Bunny knows,” adds Michelle. Jessica is Nanookie of the North and Kandy walks the runway in a sparkly ice bikini. Thom asks the question, “Where has that Aspen?” And Jimbo is Joey Featherton in full plumage (Ru is having too much fun). Carson notes that “chicken doesn’t freeze well.”
The judges found Alexis to be competent but not garnering the laughs of the other queens. They all love Jessica, who would be funny reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Kandy gets props for slightly improved comprehensibility (high praise!). Jimbo is reminded he took a big risk as Joan Rivers (got it!) and slayed. The judges felt Joan was really in the room. Ru said it was an honor to watch.
This week you’re either on top or up for elimination. Jimbo deservedly nabs her fourth victory. She is pitted against genuine lip sync assassin The Reverend Doctor Silky Nutmeg Ganache. Jimbo has never won a lip sync. She’s dressed as her iconic Casper the Baloney Ghost from her season of UK Versus the World. Fittingly, the lip sync song is “Freak-a-Zoid” by Midnight Star. She mirrors Silky’s moves and tosses baloney slices from her coochie. The judges are in hysterics and Jimbo has her first lip sync win ever! Silky is like, “Bitch! This is going down in history—I lost to Jimbo!”
We already know from the lipstick voting that the queens would have eliminated Alexis had Silky won the lip sync. But Alexis’ doom is decreed by Jimbo, who pulls her lipstick out of her coochie. (She’s got a busy cooch!) Alexis is crushed that she got so close and was eliminated. To which I say, “LaLa la la la.” Those New York queens! I’ll take a Palm Springs queen any day!
So we’re close to the finish line with another challenge next week for Jessica, Jimbo and Kandy. Maybe all three are safe for the finale. Or perhaps one is eliminated. Or maybe two are eliminated and Jimbo wins. Or all the eliminated queens return for another shot at the finale. Stay tuned to find out. And remember, if you didn’t read it in my recap, it didn’t happen! Happy Fourth of July everyone!
Read Dante’s previous recaps [here] and follow him on Instagram: @dantenoto