Monét X Change has joined the multiple star club! (Sounds better than two.) Maybe she’s saving her best for last and “waiting for the end to go crazy.” Raja, in the meantime, is a scorned woman. She is the last to discover that the plunger carries no Illuminati secrets. It’s chocolate.
Shea Couleé is lonely at the bottom with one star. The math is not looking good with two challenges left. “What does a girl have to do to get a legendary legend star up in this place?” she asks. What or who? She’s ready!
Ru welcomes the queens via video but is interrupted for breaking news. All of the queens will be inducted into the Kennedy Davenport Center Honors Hall of Shade. There will be a ceremony in which the queens will roast each other to a crisp. The order of performance is determined by an orgy of balloons, confetti, colors and the Pit Crew. Raja will go first, followed by Yvie Oddly, Shea, Jinkx Monsoon, Trinity the Tuck, Monét, Jaida Essence Hall and The Vivienne.
The queens workshop their jokes in front of Ross Matthews and comedian Solomon Giorgio. For some reason, both feed jokes to Monét, who of course writes them down. Jaida notes that Trinity’s accent is so southern that even Jim Crow would f*ck it. And much, much more to come.
On the main stage, Wintergreen, drag sister of Peppermint and crew member from season 9, introduces the proceedings. Raja gets things off to a good start with “Monét lives in Hollywood but her hairline lives in Reseda” and “Viv has done so much ketamine that people are betting on her at the Kentucky Derby.” Yvie is okay and Shea does not deliver the winning performance she needs. And then Jinkx.
Jinkx is so honored to be at this imaginary event! She notes that Ru has been edging Shangela for 11 years now. She says Ross looks great—“I’ll have whatever intestinal parasite she’s having!” We get a slew of hilarious “Yvie’s dick is so big” jokes (her tuck is taped between her shoulder blades) and a burn of Trinity—“She let her last boyfriend down easy: ‘Let’s just be cousins.’” Ru is hysterical.
She is followed by another uproarious roast from an unexpected source: Trinity the Tuck. She tells us that Monét is a classically trained musician—she plays a great second fiddle to Bob the Drag Queen. Raja is a tall drink of water…if the water is from Flint, MI. And she tells Yvie not to ever let anyone tell her she’s not pretty. “You’re not, but don’t let them tell you.” My pal Terry reminded me that Jinkx had offered earlier to help Trinity in any way she needed in gratitude for her sewing help. She may have gotten a few jokes in exchange! Both slayed.
Monét, who was expected to slay, didn’t quite rise to the occasion except that she introduced Jaida as the Messence of Beauty. And sadly, Jaida did indeed mess up her roast pretty badly. Happily, she knew it and ran with it, never losing her charm. Always a good life lesson! Viv closes the roast with some pretty hard shots, more tart than funny. Roasting is tough!
On the runway, the category is “All Glowed Up.” (Think the electrical parade at Disneyland.) The extra special guest judge is journalist Ronan Farrow. Raja is serving lasers and crystals; Yvie is a pile of mushrooms with a 1000 watt smile; Shea is a sunflower fairy goddess; Jinkx slays again as a witch burned at the stake, fire included (Ross: “Well done!”); Trinity is the Las Vegas strip; Monét is celestial in her constellation couture; Jaida is giving mermaid on a blue wave fantasy; and Viv spreads her soft, beautifully lit angel wings. Oh, and Ronan is hot.
Ru announces that All Stars rules have been revised and tonight’s winner will lose the power to block. The plunger has been retired and returned to its place of origin: inside Michelle Visage. The top two are the deserving Jinkx and Trinity. They lip sync to “Kings and Queens” by Ava Max. Perhaps aided by a cartwheel in a corset, Jinkx again takes the win. She is really looking unstoppable.
What a sensational episode! Next week is the final maxi challenge before the LaLaPaRuZa Smackdown. With Jinkx in the lead with 4 stars and Jaida and Trinity with 3, they are looking good for the finale. All of the other queens (except Shea) have 2 stars; Shea has one. So there’s a logjam for the two remaining finale placements. Who knows what twists and turns await! Will the alliances factor in? Favors come due? Extra stars? Has Jinkx already been effectively crowned with such a big lead? Tune in and find out, hunnies!
As always, thanks to my buddies Tom and Charles for previewing my column!
Photo credits: Paramount+