I’ll skip to the ending first: OMG! Ok, that’s it. Let’s start at the beginning.
Kylie Sonique Love is showered with praise for her fierce win last week. As you might recall, she voted off A’Keria C. Davenport. The ballot box reveals six lipsticks in unanimous agreement. As Kylie says, “There’s no way in hell I was putting Ra’Jah on lipstick nowhere near my titty!” I stan for Kylie.
Jan, in a shady game of I Spy, says that she sees five queens around the room who have won a challenge and two that haven’t. Those two are Eureka and Pandora Boxx, and I suspect there’s an ill wind blowing in Pandora’s (the Boxx that Rocks) direction.
In the werkroom, the queens read the parting words of Miss Ass Almighty herself, aka A’Keria: “I am the mood and the moment.” We’re not worthy! Ru announces that this week’s maxi challenge will be to write and perform an uplifting drag anthem called Show Up Queen. (Why do I think of Wreck-it Ralph?) I think it should ideally be performed with You Better Work and Work Bitch in a show called Shit my Last Boss Said to Me Before She Fired my Ass.
Teams are selected, and Pandora is the last queen standing and is *assigned* to a group! <shiver> Cue the ill winds. I am reminded that I was always the last one chosen for a team, so Pandy is now my spiritual twin. We are so going on a kickball date.
Each queen thinks about a cause to add to the anthem. Pandora reveals that she was afraid to speak growing up because she sounded so gay. Eureka and Ginger Minj reflect on body image and Trinity on his positive status. Ra’Jah talked about feeling down because he was in the bottom last week, but let’s not forget she can also top because she’s versatile!
It’s on to rehearsals for choreography and recording the anthem. Pandora cannot dance. (More ill winds.) She declares that she will not be choreography roadkill! Jan can dance; as Kylie notes, “This is right up her f**king bootyhole.” You gotta love Paramount Plus: there are no bleeps to be heard! Me, I’m self-censoring because I’m coy and demure <blush>.
The queens perform the anthem for the judges, which sounds like Ru, JLo and Beyoncé smushed up in a smoothie blender. (But doesn’t everything?) The runway theme is Hot Tropics. Most memorable are Kylie’s very feathery and ass-almighty Hawaiian ensemble (Ru: “She puts the cans in toucans”), Trinity’s red feathery Carnival extravaganza (Carson: “I love a fresh Brazilian”) and Eureka’s beach ball look (Ross: “Where’s that little thing that pops out that you blow into?).
Trinity K. Bonet is declared this week’s winner, propelling her to front-runner status with two challenge wins. As the ill winds prophesied, Pandora is in the bottom along with Jan, who is a victim of her own pep. The lip sync assassin is Alexis Mateo (Bam!), who slays so completely that Trinity literally flips her wig. Alexis wins and reveals who the queens have chosen to go home.
And…. the lipstick reads Pandora. Everyone is shook and then Alexis says, but wait, I have another lipstick…. Jan! It’s a tie; the queens have split on who to send home. Ru announces that according to All Star rules, the decision will be made by the night’s winner, Trinity. And that lipstick reads Jan. OMG! I was stunned, slayed, gagged and gooped! I definitely felt some kind of way.
So we are down to six queens for next week’s episode, which will feature Snatch Game of Love (with dreamboat Cheyenne Jackson.) Don’t miss it and don’t miss my column! Because reading is what? Fundamental. See you then!
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Favorite comments:
“It’s a fisting song? That’s your cause?” – Ru, on Eureka’s anthem lyric “Come together, fists up for the truth.”
“We’re fighting crimes in different cities!” – Kylie, on her Catwoman suit and the catsuits of Eureka and Ginger.