Last week’s ball is ovah and Mrs. Kasha Davis is returning home to her loving husband, dog and family. She signaled that she was ready for this outcome before she lost, which is a major no-no. Kandy Muse is not having it. Never give up!
The vote to send Kasha home over Darienne Lake was a Supreme Court-worthy 5-4 split decision. Darienne knows she is now on shaky ground. “I feel like a fat kid on a wicker couch,” she laments. Yikes!!
Jessica Wild gets props for winning and receives the shadiest set of congratulations in herstory. I think that’s called “damned by faint praise.” Heidi N Closet was notably upset and suggested she might want to leave the show. I refer you back to Kasha’s no-no.
This week, the queens are tasked with producing trailers for a sickening scripted series in any genre, as long as it’s “must-she tv.” In order to form three groups, the queens must pop or be popped by balloons propped between them and a member of the Pit Crew. Colored confetti in the balloons will determine teams. Right off the bat we have a line of bottoms — LaLa Ri, Kahanna Montrese, Kandy, Heidi, and Jessica — who excel at that craft, Kahanna in particular. She is pure, unadulterated sex. I’m here for it!
The three teams huddle as they develop their ideas. Never a pretty process! They workshop the ideas with Michele Visage, who is variously bemused, appalled, and dumbfounded. The team of Jimbo, Jessica and Kandy is wildly raunchy and pushing the limits of “oh no she dint”! No, they pushed, toppled and leapt over that boundary. Who knows what to expect in the finished trailer?
Back in the werkroom, Kandy the Influencer is “planting seeds” of intrigue and mistrust. She is needling Heidi over her moment of weakness last week and Heidi is scorching mad. “These ho’s are vipers,” she notes, stating the obvious. But she is prepared to spill some serious tea on some backstage doings that will burn the house down. Count me in for a good wienie roast!
On the runway, the category is “Azz the World Turns,” a celebration of buns, hun. Jaymes Mansfield is representing her indigenous culture with a nod to the Azz-tec Empire. Alexis Michelle is wearing a virginal wedding dress with an ass cutout. (Ru: “You may rim the bride.”). Kandy is bedecked in balloons, an “inflated ego with an ass to match.” Jimbo has a jiggly tittibutt and Heidi is a literal ass in her donkey couture. Kahanna is serving naughty nurse with a giant syringe (with an ass cutout that caused me to faint) and LaLa rocked tan chaps over her chocolate ass, which to me had notes of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup meets Rolo’s realness.
The trailers are aired for the judges. Jaymes, Darienne and Alexis perform in “Get Off Island,” where they are shipwrecked and meet the ghosts of celebrity icons such as Marilyn, Elvis and… Agnes Moorehead. It’s coming all over your screen this fall! Kandy, Jessica and Jimbo are high school besties in “Best Friends 4 Never,” raunchiness intact. Jimbo/Carrie literally slays. Heidi, Kahanna and LaLa star in “Run Queen Run,” which spotlights Kahanna’s super-powered tucking panties. She’s killing me.
The Run Queen Run queens are declared safe. Dipping into the cool refreshing waters of Darienne Lake, Ru declares Get Off Island as pleasant but not funny. Alexis, in a vicious “thrown under the bus” moment, apologizes for their trailer and says it wasn’t her fault, but Darienne’s. (Oh no, child. You’re going to regret that later!) They’re in the bottom and Kandy, Jessica and Jimbo are in the top, with Jimbo nabbing the win.
Jimbo lip syncs against season 1 assassin Shannel! That’s 14 years ago and she is still fabulous. They lip sync to “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett and Shannel is victorious. She reveals the lipstick naming the queen who has been voted off and it’s Darienne. Her derrière didn’t save her. Moral of the story: don’t buy a wicker couch. Really. Don’t.
On that note, we have eight queens remaining who will perform in Snatch Game of Love next week, always a season highlight. Til then, be your best fabulous self!
